Taking Cues

I've decided to start taking cues from this guy. Yes, I know he's not the picture of intelligence (but he is pretty darn cute, hey?)...so let me explain.

My friend Linda from work as a great blog called Lessons From Mr. James. It's a sweet and introspective reflection on appreciating life from her wise little dog, Mr. James. Linda is a great writer, and Mr. James has a delightful perspective.

My dog, on the other hand, not so...academic. Wise. Or insightful. As a matter of fact, he's pretty oblivious to everything but treats and the opportunity to play. So this morning, as I dragged my still-90% asleep self out the door to go for a run, I had to laugh because he blew past me and BOUNDED out the door...sooooo excited for the first activity of the day!!! Encouraged by his enthusiasm, I set off.

Mid-run I looked up to see a beautiful sunrise bursting from the cloudy remnants of last night's storms...and got to thinking that it's a great privilege to be out there to see that. To gain the clarity of mind a morning run brings. To be alone with my thoughts. To have a chance to reflect on blessings and prayers.

And that maybe, just maybe, I should be taking attitude cues from Oggy. Lessons? That may be pushing it. But the "embrace the day with energy because it's gonna be GREAT" cues? I can do that.

The pit in my stomach that won't go away.

On Saturday night we had dinner with our dear friends who, for the first time since the birth of their second baby (5/19) in 18 months, got to go out! It was fun to catch up and hear the stories and spend time with this couple we love dearly. They talked about having a newborn and an 18-month old. How it’s draining and horrible at times and wonderful.

I love these friends. And I love both of their sweet babies. And I’m so happy they are here and healthy. And I don’t begrudge this family any of this happiness. And as we talk the pit grows. It grows because of the topic matter. It grows because the next day was Father’s Day.

The pit is always there, weighing down my stomach and I can’t make it go away. It's a boulder-like mass of grief, disappointment, fear, anger, sadness, longing, disappointment, anger, fear and uncertainty.

Yesterday brought Father’s Day. I reflected. In part because of a beautiful church service about dads and legacies. I reflected on how lucky Michael and I are for the strong, good men that are our fathers. I reflected on my dad and his relationship with me. And with my brother. And with his dad. And I reflected on Michael. And the kind of dad he would be, because he is a good, patient, secure, Godly man. And the pit grew some more. I had tears in my eyes as the singers wrapped up the service. Why, I couldn’t articulate. But they were there. I suppose they were a combination of gratitude and the most intense longing I have ever experienced.

Off to a big group Father’s Day celebration.

In the flurry of hellos and hugs and “Happy Father’s Day” wishes, someone gave Michael a hug, and with cheer and good intent, said “Happy Father’s Day!” and then realized the mistake and laughed it off. And the pit grew bigger. That well-meaning wisher kicked me in the deepest part of my stomach. The pit continued to swell.

It swells with every person that tells me how great Michael and I are with kids. What a natural “mommy” I am. They don’t know. They mean well. And I fight like hell to keep my composure everytime I hear it.

"It will happen" they say. Because they don’t know what else to say. And I know the statistics say they’re right. But there are no guarantees. About anything. And in this crisis of faith I try to believe them. Try to “adjust my attitude to the positive.” Try to enjoy this carefree time.

But it’s hard. Hard when the longing won’t go away. Hard as my heart breaks on Father’s Day because I love my husband so much and wanted so badly for him to be celebrating today. He should have been celebrating too.

Summer Sprinkler

Talk...
about...

enjoying summer.

aahhh.

California Coast: Part III

Wow! I had no idea how long it was going to take me to journal this trip! This is the last post of photos from our San Francisco-LA jaunt!

The drive was gorgeous, but somewhat foggy the whole way. When we neared San Simeon, we came upon a beach full of seals!
They were cute, but smelled just as bad as the Sea Lions in San Fran! We stayed in Cambria, which is a quiet little town south of San Simeon. The coast line there was great! Really accessible, so we hiked around, looking for Sea Otters and Star Fish. It was great!

We stayed in this area because we had always wanted to see Hearst Castle! It was built in the 20's by William Randolph Hearst and is an odd cross between an Old World Castle and an ostentatious California Seaside Ranch Retreat. The family owns the land as far as you can see around it...you buy tickets and take a shuttle bus up to the castle.This guest house is one of the first things you see......followed by an unbelievable pool. The stripes are dark green marble and the entire thing is gorgeous. Though a little Vegas-y.Our tour included just a few rooms in the main castle. The exterior is unbelievable...as are the antiquities that decorate the outside. Such as the fountain of authentic Egyptian sculptures seen below. Turns out that when they were building the castle, some foreign countries were trying to make some money and sold off parts of their national archaeological and architectural treasures. Now part of the castle for the tourists to appreciate! This is the main sitting room in the castle. The wall tapestries are something you'd expect at Versailles. Hearst collected "ceilings" so they were all stunning. As was the choir seating from an ancient Spanish cathedral that lined all of the rooms. I love good wood work, so this was like a dream. The land as far as you can see is still owned by the Hearst family and corporation.

From there we headed to LA for the final leg of the trip. We hit Disney with our friends Jason and Marc......and nephew Nicholas. We got in some beach time, but it was kind of chilly. This was about as close as anyone got to going in the water.but everyone had a good time on the beach, spending time with family! Here is the whole beach party crew getting ready to send cousin Jeff off for the start of his wedding weekend!
The wedding was held at a beautiful location over looking the LA area and the evening was beautiful!The ceremony was lovely and the following festivities were great fun!

(Nope, they didn't get dropped! :)

We were able to spend time with Michael's extended family, which was great fun!

And we learned a fun little secret about this sweet baby cousin....

...who was born almost exactly 9 months after our wedding! hee. :)

The kids were SO cute dancing and had a ball!

A great way to end a fantastic trip!!

So there's this guy....

That I've been dying to meet.

He lives in California...

Has a great smile...

and is so cute I just want to smother him in kisses.

After 7 months of waiting...last week I got to do just that!


Aiden is my good college friend Drew's baby! I've blogged about him several times as he was sick with a heart condition a few short months ago...
But now his is the picture of red-headed, chubby-cheecked baby happiness!

It's been almost 3 years since we got to see Drew and his wife Kim, so we had a lot to catch up on! In college, Drew, the displaced Californian spent several holidays with my family and we've been able to maintain that friendship in the years since. Here is with my brother.

And Drew and Kim were able to meet Michael for the first time. It was a great afternoon of hanging out, catching up with old friends, and getting lots of baby kisses from the little one I was thrilled to finally meet!

Love you guys!

California Coast Part II

...After we left Monterey, the scenery only got better.

Carmel (or Carmel-by-the-Sea, which I find to be an ever so charming name) was lovely! Just a heavenly place. We headed there in the morning for coffee and "catch up on the computer time" before exploring the beach...

(which was the softest sand with beautiful turquoise water)

...then heading down the coast.

The Pacific Coast Highway (#1) had turnoffs around every curve, and each was the gateway to a surreal scene:

The turquoise waters of Carmel shifted to a delicious, bright royal blue. When we stopped here:

I almost couldn't believe my eyes. The cliffs plunged down into the water...

...taking my breath away! It was gorgeous! Hard to capture in a photo, but I tried my darndest!

This is my favorite photo of Michael and I from the trip:

We went on to explore the various scenes along the highway as we drove south.
(which was a bit of a white-knuckler! I'm a nervous passenger to begin with, but the cliffs, hairpin turns, steep climbs/descents, falling rocks and the complete and utter disregard for the blinker by Cali drivers kept my adrenaline pumping!!)...

Near this stop:

We encountered surfers, which I love to watch (though I'm not so good at! haha)
It was a stunning drive. Great scenery, great company!